The President was born to proud white, northern European parents

     Recent polls show that eighteen percent of Republicans and other flat earthers believe Pres Obama is a Muslim.  Other polls show that thirty percent of Republicans and other flat earthers believe Pres Obama eats dogs for Sunday dinner. Still other polls show that ninety-eight percent of Republicans and other flat earthers believe Pres Obama was not born in the United States.  

            In an effort to find out if Pres Obama is a dog eating Muslin from somewhere else we emailed the White House and asked.  Here, in its entirety is the President's response:

Dear Sir or madam or whatever,

The President gladly received your email and thanks ya'll for the whatever. Since he was too busy marinating Senator Chuck Grassley's Irish wolf hound in a mixture of soy sauce, tobasco juice, ketchup, paprika and lemon zest he asked me to respond.  Allow me to take your questions in order:

1- The President is emphatically NOT a Muslim.  He's a humble member of the Twice Reformed, Rastafari Second Congregational, Southern Baptist, Regional, Unitarian, Fundamentalist, Roman Methodist Church of New Jersey.

2- The President loves dogs as much as WC Fields loved children, especially if they're well prepared.

3- The President was born to proud white, northern European parents in the small East Lithuanian commonweal of Eatdogistan.

Thank you for your interest in Pres Obama, please consider a political contribution of not less than $100,000 to his re-election campaign and remember to vote early and often (Democratic).

Cordially,

Ricki-ticki-tavi Magumbo

Number One Email Reader and Answerer to Pres Obama